Ellie Goulding began the tour for her new record, but she is in the news for different reasons today. She came out to the press about her struggles with depression and anxiety during the beginning of her notorious career.
She wrote about her experiences in an essay for the publication Well + Good.
Goulding explained that the most difficult part of dealing with pop stardom was the crippling anxiety that she would get before she would perform in front of large audiences. She struggled with the transition between performing in small venues to the huge settings that she performs in now.
The star wrote in her essay that she would often cover her face with pillows when walking from the studio to her car and that before her performance she would erupt into full-on panic attacks.
She said that even though her friends back home thought she was living a glamorous lifestyle; underneath the surface, she was really struggling emotionally and physically with the dramatic changes that her career had brought her.
Ellie wasn’t always the pop star that she is now. At one point in her life, she had a depressive gothic phase where she would dress in all black and listen to bands like Nirvana and System of a Down.
She went on to explain that she thought her panic attacks and anxiety were a result of low confidence and self-esteem. “I was scared I wasn’t as good of a singer as everyone thought I was. And as the stakes grew, I was afraid of letting everyone, including myself, down.”
Every time she had to perform she was paralyzed with nerve system breakdowns. She eventually sought out therapy through a physical exercise like boxing and kickboxing.
Ellie Goulding explained that although the workouts definitely helped her cope with the stress of performing; they didn’t solve the problem entirely.